Self Love

I have thought about what defines us as individuals recently, I have come to the conclusion that the one thing - even though most of us will deny it - that determines who we are is what others think (or not think) of us. We want to know what people want us to do, how they expect us to behave, what do they think that is odd or different about us and then accordingly we feel the need to justify it or not. The need to justify their opinion is simple, we just simply want constant validation. We want to be approved of. A guarantee that whatever we are and whatever we are doing is to satisfy others and in turn satisfy us by providing us a niche in society.

I want to stop here. I want to now talk about what it is like to be self loving almost bordering being narcissistic. Self love is the kind of love that seeks validation from no one but you. It is like a moral police only better because it loves you no matter what you do or how many times you may screw up. Being narcissistic is not a punishment it is a cure. It makes one smarter, stronger and much more secure in their own skin. Being comfortable in who you are will automatically make you love yourself. All these barriers of stereotypes and groups don't matter at all if you are at peace with yourself. Life is so short that if one wastes it on anybody whom we don't love it is truly a worthless existence. Instead of living in the moment at least we should all try and live for ourselves. I say we should be helpful to those in need but selfish in our needs and fulfill them first. Of course I do not mean that one has to become an evil person who doesn't care about anyone, all I think I am really saying is that we ourselves can teach us so much about us!! who knows you and I better than, well, you and I! think about it, and love yourself! :)

The Triumph of Parting

the warm wind blew near me once
I tasted the sweet scent of the night bloom on it's imagined feather of a make believe wing

It rustled the leaves around me
reminding me of times spent together in the drowsy autumn sun

In a flash it was gone
it's mere existence became a question
Did i feel it?
Did it warm this once bountiful heart;
now of which remains desolate ravage

Is there hope in this icy feeling of short hours and breathless nights
leaving me lifeless as a placid black glistening lake

Will spring come with warm blossoms or smiling faces?

My questions have answers only in the past;
uncertain futures and an irreparable present.

I guess I shall continue to sleep in waking and in sleep remain
a zombie till we shall meet again.

Oh food how I love you!!!

Food to me is the reason why I live. That's all. Food, and I mean any kind, makes me go wild with excitement and honestly is the only thing that truly fulfills or satisfies me. I have been cooking ever since I can remember - if not cooking then helping in the kitchen for sure! I remember the first time that I made a full meal was when my mom had the flu and I was 12 years old. I made Indian potatoes with 'chapati' bread and my mom really liked it. My love affair with food all started in my opinion when I would visit my great grandmothers house and hear stories from her about how when she was in Pakistan she would cook and what she would cook. Of course being Sindhi from my mother's side also helped because Sindhi curry with rice is a staple gourmet meal in any book. I think a great cook has to be someone who gets a kick out of winning. I feel like a winner when I make homemade ravioli, because I know its hard, I feel like a winner when the meringue cookies I make taste like fluffs of air. I just think that cooking is a combination of desire, passion, smell, aroma, creativity, artistry and above all the winning spirit. I want to some day go to Paris and take a course in being a pastry chef. If not for anyone else I want to do it for myself. I feel a spiritual connection with food and closer to nature and its bounty when I am cooking. Cooking is also synonymous with feeling good in my opinion. No matter how stressed I am or how angry I feel once the cake batter starts liquefying my sadness and anger start melting away like dark chocolate on a hot water bath. My icon in this field is - but of course the Queen - Nigella Lawson. I LOVE HER! I think from now on I will start posting pics of food that I have cooked along with a little recipe on how I made it! :D